Anger as an Uncomfortable and Unacceptable Emotion

Anger is a loud emotion. Many of us are brought up think of anger as a bad emotion that we should not feel. We may even fear our anger. We try to avoid it or hide it – or feel guilty when we express it. Anger is not a socially acceptable emotion.

Anger also makes us anxious because it is a signal that something has to change.

Some reasons why you should listen to anger:
1. Feeling angry may be signal that something is not right.
2. Anger may signal emotional pain.
3. Anger may tell that your rights are being violated.
4. Feeling angry may be a result of your needs and wants not being met.
5. Anger may signal that you are not dealing with something important in your life.
6. Feeling angry may be a sign of having to compromise too much.
7. Anger may be telling you that you are doing and giving too much.
8. Anger may also signal that others are doing too much for you.

Anger as a feeling should, however, not be confused with angry or aggressive behaviour. You cannot overreact emotionally. The intensity of your emotions is what it is. However, that does not justify overreaction behaviourally.

Anger tells you that a situation has to change. Being angry will not changing the situation on its own. Listen to you anger, recognise what needs to change, and then find a constructive way to change whatever needs to be addressed.

Women and Anger

Many women are brought up to value caring for others more than caring for themselves. Women are also expected to be small and quiet, nice and modest. When a woman focusses on keeping other happy, remaining nice at all times, she fails to build a strong and clear self. In order to remain nice, she must avoid anger and conflict.

However, emotions do not go away simply because we do not pay attention to them, recognise them or accept them. Emotions exist whether we like it or not, whether we are aware of them or not.

Anger will build as long as a woman does not address the reasons for her anger. The longer she does not acknowledge her anger and the reasons for it, the harder she will have to work at keeping her anger hidden.

When she lets her guard down, she will have angry outbursts that leave her feeling guilty. She goes back to hiding her anger from others and herself until the next outburst. Nothing is addressed and nothing changes.

If the woman is able to identify her anger, express it in a way that does not involve fighting, blaming and complaining, a possibility for change is created. The woman can create a strong self with boundaries. Her sole purpose is not to care for others and be nice. She will learn to look after herself and raise her voice when needed. She will, also, have more resources to care for others. In order to be able to look after others, we must first look after ourselves.

Strong and boundaried women are often accused of being angry when they are being, well, strong and boundaried.

Today, as you are going about your day, pay attention to your emotions. If you recognise anger, ask yourself what it is about and what do you need to change.